Unreturned Love

Unreturned Love

Have you ever had a crush on someone, or you had bad feelings and hurt after ending a relationship with your ex?  Maybe you have fallen into a secret love with a close friend.

All of these feelings express the idea of unrequited love.  This is love that is not mutual and that will not deepen with you.  You may find that you feel the pain of this kind of love and it can be hard to have a one-sided love with someone, especially when you really love them.

Different Types

There are different types of romantic love and you will meet someone along the way that doesn’t feel the same as you do.  The only way to know unrequited love is if you have shared these things:

  • Wanted someone that was dating someone else.
  • Wanting someone that didn’t have the same feelings.
  • Had mutual feelings with people involved in other relationships.
  • Had feelings after breaking up with your ex.

This kind of love can happen in casual dating and can happen when things are more serious.

Signs of Unrequited Love

Unrequited love never really looks the same and it can be a time of intensity that involves you loving someone, and it not being returned to you.

They Are Not Interested

If you are wanting to connect deeper with someone and you want to spend more time with you, but they want to keep their distance, this is called a hangout and not a date.  If they are always inviting other people to go with you then they are not interested in connecting with you.

When you want to ask them questions about their life, they will not give you real answers and have no interest in talking about themselves.

They Don’t Reply Fast

Feeling like you are doing most of the work in a relationship makes a real sign that they don’t want to be with you.  They are not returning your interest.

Denying Signs

No matter how you look at it, having unrequited love can be painful.  This can cause you to deny things and ignore the signs that they are not into you.  Focus how often they:

  • Touch you
  • Say nice things to you
  • Confide in you

Remember though, some people are more affectionate, and this does not mean they are in love with you.  You must be honest with yourself about what is going on and you have to pay attention to their signals.  Then, you have to respect what they feel.

Getting Closer

If you find ways of trying to be more attractive or doing things that they love to do, this can bring about emotions that are negative.

Having someone to not love you back can be hard and emotional and this starts with hope and ends with you getting hurt and feeling rejected.  This can bring on hurt, anger and anxiety.

Getting Them Off Your Mind

Having someone not love you back can be hard, and it can cause your emotions to long for them.  Even if you try to hide the feelings, the feelings will come up throughout the day in different areas of your life such as:

  • You check Facebook to see if they have liked anything you put on there.
  • See if they comment on your social media.
  • Write texts and confess your feelings.
  • Go to their neighbors so you hope to see them.
  • Talk to them often.
  • Imagine telling them how you really feel.

How to Deal with This

When you want to deal with this, you have to figure out how to accept this and not be hurt.  You have to talk about it with someone that you can trust and let them know how you feel.  This can be confusing for you because sometimes they will be flirty and talk to you about things but then they will not talk to you for a long time, so you are not sure what they feel.

When this is overwhelming, it is good to trust a friend and let them try to help you through this.  The thing is though, don’t hold on to it.  Once you confess your love and you are rejected, you will hurt but you will want to stay friends.  You can do this if you focus on the relationship as a friendship only.

When they make it clear that they don’t want to be with you, if you keep chasing them then it will cause you more pain and eventually maybe even end your friendship.

If you don’t want to lose that, give them space and take time to heel.  Allow yourself to have feelings but deal with them.

You might be excited to see the person that you love but then you might be sad that they don’t want you.  Try to accept this and accept them without judgment.  Notice them and then let them go by, even if it hurts.  You can journal your feelings to feel better.

Distract yourself and find other people to talk to.  Have a balance in life so you don’t want to end up miserable and hurt.  Set your feelings aside and take time to address them each day.

Try to make time for yourself and find hobbies that you enjoy.  Take care of who you are by dieting and exercising.  Treat yourself to something nice and consider causal dating and finding a partner to spend time with.


There is a lot that we go through in life and each situation has a real meaning.  If you loved someone and wanted to be in love, maybe that didn’t happen but that didn’t mean that the love you had was meaningless.  Did you grow and learn more about yourself?  Did your friendship get stronger with them?

Rejection can be hard and hurtful but someday you will understand and value the friendship even more.

Find Out What You Want

You need to find out what you really want and pay attention to what you are really feeling.  Maybe you have taught yourself a lot in this situation and have found the kind of person that you are attracted to.

If you keep getting unrequited love, you need to find out if you are in a pattern and you are finding people that do not love you or someone that is in love with someone else.  Maybe you don’t really want to be in a real relationship and that is okay.

Get Help

If you find that you are not able to stop pursuing the person after they are not interested or if you spend too much time thinking about them then you might need to get help.

See a therapist if you are depressed or have suicidal thoughts.  Talk to someone that can help you to share your feelings and to help you with your problems.  Don’t sit around the house waiting to see if they go away and don’t stalk the person you love.

One sided love can mean that you have to heal from something in your past and you need to do this so that you can heal and be attractive to others later.

If You Don’t Feel the Same

When you have to reject someone because you don’t feel the same then do this with care.  Try to date them and see if it goes somewhere but if it doesn’t don’t make things more complicated.

Avoiding them will not help and it will only make things worse, especially if you consider them a good friend.  Talk to them and be honest with them.  Take care with their feeling and mention what you do value about them.


Be compassionate because this probably has happened to you before.  What would have made you feel better?  Even if you have never had this happen, being kind is the best thing you can do.

Make sure that you are showing that you are not interested and do not flirt or give mixed emotions.  Be upfront with them so that they are not frustrated, and you are not either.

Try to tell them that you value them as a friend but that you are not interested in being with them romantically.  Do not talk about them finding someone else or that you are not good enough for them.  Reject them kindly.


Unrequited love can be hard for anyone that is involved in it, but things will get better as time goes on.  If you are having a hard time, talk to someone that can help you and will not judge you.  Keep working through your feelings and know that someday you will find true love.

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