Have you been dating people and you just want to find someone that is normal that will fit in with your life? Are you looking to find your soulmate or find the person that is the one for you?
Do you feel that everyone that you meet is fake and you feel that they only care about themselves and not you? If you feel that your romantic life is going that way, you need to change the way that you are thinking about meeting your perfect mate.
Everyone wants to have a perfect partner in their life, but most people do not want to put the time in to be that perfect mate in return.
There are problems in finding people because people have expectations of what they want but they choose to not be responsible to give that person the same in return. Do you know what kind of partner that you want in life, but you do not care about changing your own life to meet their needs in return?
Once you see people for who they are and you accept that there are fake people and liars, you can begin to find connections that are deep and meet people that you can get along with and connect with.
Maybe you have been in relationships that seem unhealthy and they just end, or you feel that your relationships are never great. If that is you, you have to look at who you are and what is going on in your own life. Be open to your own flaws and personality.
Everyone has relationship problems, but some people seem to have more than others. Here are some things that can cause there to be more problems than you anticipated:
Most people are not attracted to those that are too needy. When you put your own priority of others over what you feel about your own self, this is what neediness is.
You do not have to exist to fix everyone and to fulfill their needs. Do not fake what you like and who you are so that you can give to others. Be who you are and instead of worrying about what everyone else wants and needs, care for your own self.
People often focus on this behavior and they find it unattractive. They will talk about other people and about the good times that they have but when it comes to you, they will say, “that person is so needy,” and it will turn them off.
Your behavior is what attracts people to you and if you are needy for attention or for love, that will be the first thing that people will see about you. They will find this behavior to be a turn off because most people that are too needy will try to use manipulation to get what they want.
If you come across as needy and then someone behaves a way that you don’t want them to, you feel that this is wrong. You should not pressure people to like you or to act the way that you want them to.
Sometimes you will become needy because you care about what people think of you, but you need to care more about what you think of yourself than what others think of you.
What Does Neediness Look Like?
Here are some things that neediness looks like:
- Hanging around people because they are funny or smart and not having your own opinion. You spend time with them so that you can meet their needs.
- Buying things based on what other people like and only wearing clothing that fits what you’re in crowd is wearing.
- Staying at a job that you hate because you care what others think instead of reaching your own goals and values.
- Impressing people by spending money on them to get them to like you.
When we decide to act needy and do needy behaviors, we often hate ourselves even more. We want others to approve of us and this makes us unable to do what we should do and to take care of ourselves.
Taking Care of You
You have got to find value in yourself before you will ever be able to find value in others. You must learn to care about what you want in your life and stop basing everything on what everyone else thinks about you. You are someone that is smart and well-rounded and the values and goals that you have are important. Stop caring what other people say.
Here are some areas in your life that you need to pay attention to so that you can take care of yourself better:
If you are struggling with your physical or mental health, you have to improve this area of your life before you even consider dating.
Learn to work out and eat healthier and to do what it takes to boost your mood and to feel better about who you are. If you have past problems that you need to get out, talk to a therapist. You can do what it takes to care for yourself and it will make you more confident.
Money can cause people a lot of stress and there is no way of ignoring this. Learn to take care of your money problems and put energy into getting your finances in order.
Personal finances are important to take care of and you have to stop wasting money and learn to have money for emergency purposes.
No one wants to be around someone that is always complaining about things. If you are in a career or in a job that causes you to be stressed and frustrated all the time, get out of it.
Take action and learn to find work that is meaningful for you. Find a new career path, go to school, and apply for new jobs. Take time out of your life to go to job fairs and find people that you can get in your network to help you find a peaceful and fulfilling job.
Stop going to the same places to meet new people. Find places and things to do that will allow you to connect with new people and make new friends.
If you want to have friends, you have to come in contact with people and learn to meet new people.
Find hobbies, take classes, or do whatever it takes to be in places where you can meet new friends.
All of these things take time to work on and to fix and nothing can be fixed overnight but you can start small and keep moving forward to healthy habits.
Figure out how to get your life in order and then you can become the best part of yourself that you can be.
What do you love and what are you passionate about? Do you love justice or are you interested in working out and eating healthy? Do you love being in nature?
Figure out what you love to do and what makes you happy and then find others that have the same values and ideas that you do.
Do not try to date someone that is interested in all of the things that you are not interested in because what will you have in common with them? You need to find people that share common ideas with you so that you can enjoy being around them and have things to talk about.
You can always expand your interests, you should try that, but only because you want to.
There is nothing wrong with online dating but there are other ways that you can meet people. Try to find ways to go out into the real world and find new people. Remember when you choose online dating, you are never really sure what you are getting.
Meeting online people can cause them to ghost you or make you think that they are something they aren’t. You need to find people that aren’t playing games and make sure that you let them know that you are looking for something long term and not just an overnight thing.
Express what you want when you want to meet someone and do not be afraid of this.
When you start dating someone, the best way to figure them out and to let them know who you are is to communicate with them.
You are an adult, and you are mature enough to be honest when you talk to someone and to express who you are. If you are afraid of being vulnerable, chances are that you have been hurt in the past, but if you are going to actually meet someone, you have to let go and be vulnerable to a point.
Learn to express what you want and to show people that you are smart. Be vulnerable and this is something that can attract others to you.
Being vulnerable should not be used to make people like you, make sure that you are not being needy and that you are secure in what you want in your life. Allow people to see the faults that you have and allow them to be find with that. If they don’t like you, too bad.
Looking for a Partner
There are people that will want to be in a romantic relationship and when it comes to values, you have to realize that you cannot have unrealistic expectations. When you have expectations that are too big, you will always end up disappointed.
You have to accept that everyone has some kind of baggage and that everyone makes mistakes and has faults.
You have to be careful that you do not get with someone that will manipulate you and that you find partners that will commit to you and that can accept your faults and your own baggage.
Some relationships are full of manipulation and when you experience this for the first time, it can be very painful.
You have to realize that there are people that are good people but there are also bad people. One thing that women do sometimes is that they refuse to compromise. When you are in this kind of relationship, you have to step back and see if that is what you want.
If you are not with someone that cannot see their own flaws, then you will be with someone that will never be able to be accountable for the way that they treat you.
The problem is that every relationship will have fights and will have baggage and it is up to both of you to learn to communicate and be open about things.
Always be honest and try to avoid drama. If they leave you, make sure that you look at things from different points of view and figure out if that is the relationship that you want to stay in.
Do not date someone that just wants you for your money or your stuff and find someone that is interested in who you are. Learn to be kind even when you fight and do not allow each other to call each other names or to belittle each other.
Have open conversations with people and learn to see each other’s flaws. Learn to be able to accept these things and to figure out how to get along. If you want to be in a good, long term relationship, you have to look at the relationship as a whole. You have to have honesty, communication, and sexual feelings without there being too much drama.
If you are hiding your emotions or if all you do is talk about your emotions, you will not have a healthy relationship. You may have a hard time finding someone that will be open to you, but you have to make sure that you are clear in what you want and that you are in a relationship that doesn’t require worry.
Yes or No
People need to understand that both parties in the relationship need to be attracted to each other, have self-worth and not be overly needy. There needs to be excitement and sex. Long term relationships even need to be friendships and if you want to see each other over and over again, sex has to eventually play a role in the situation.
If you have been with someone for a long time and you can see yourself marrying them, you have to figure out if you are going to go beyond just dating and if you are going to get into a deeper or a more romantic relationship. When you choose to live together, you will see that your life will become intertwined and you will see that honesty and communication will play a huge role.
Finding true love means that you have to be who you are, and you have to find people to connect with that fit what you want in your life.
Messing Up Relationships
Relationships are hard but if you are able to be honest and open, then you will give the right signals that you are ready to meet someone for the long run.