Unrequited love can be painful and that pain can last for days, weeks, or even years. It is important to understand how unrequited love affects us and how to get over it when necessary. Unrequited love is a love that is not shared. It is felt, usually strongly, by one person, but not the object of their affection. This love may be known or hidden or just known by the person that is in love. The other person may not know about the feelings because they have never been expressed. This unrequited love may exist with friends, an ex, celebrities, or just about anyone else. It can lead to negative feelings if not returned, but there are ways to get over the feelings, which are shared below, but first, we will look at the signs of unrequited love.
There are several signs that point to unrequited love. Though the actual signs may vary slightly among people, they are roughly as described below.
- Always looking for a reason to spend time with the person or locate them
- Initiating contact often without reciprocation
- No passion or sex life
- Calls, texts, and e-mails to the person going unanswered
- Refusal by the other person to spend time with the other
- Continually thinking about the person and what they may be doing
- Imagining scenarios and conversations with the person
- A dwindling relationship
- Feelings of jealousy when the person is with someone else
- All take and no give in a relationship
- Doing things for the person without much acknowledgement
- Happiness dependent upon that person
- Negative emotions that are self-depreciating when thinking of that person
- Others saying you are not meant to be together
- Feeling alone
- Searching for signs they are interested in you or taking everything as a sign of interest
- Trying to buy their love
- They have told you that it will never happen
- Their body language is cold if you are around
- They are uninterested in you and your life
This unrequited love can affect us in many ways, stirring emotions and leaving us feeling defeated. Other common feelings include:
- Anger
- Confusion
- Low self-worth
- Grief
- Inadequacy
- Sadness
- Rejection
- Self-Doubt
- Feeling Used
- Questioning the core identity
- Soul searching
- Unlovable
If you are experiencing unrequited love then there are ways to combat it. These range from a change of mindset to actual actions to take. Read on to learn how.
- Communication – Take time to speak with the person and share your feelings calmly to gain their reaction. This will help you understand your relation to them and if fighting for a relationship is realistic. If it is not a viable relationship, then walk away.
- Let Go – When you know they do not feel the same or that love will not be returned, they know it is time to let go and walk away, then do it.
- Acceptance – Accept that the relationship is not happening and change your focus to getting better.
- Get Back to Yourself – You were a fully functioning person before this love and will be again. Start working on that right away.
- Inner Work – Ask yourself why your happiness is so dependent on that person and be honest with your answer.
- Look Elsewhere – Look at the qualities that drew you to the person initially and then look for others with those positive qualities.
- Embrace the Feelings – Your feelings are real and your own. Accept them and embrace them, but channel this into something more productive.
- Realize What You Learned – You have experienced love and even though it was unrequited, you know how to love deeply. Imagine how great it will be when it is returned.
- Allow for Change – Feelings change and you will too if you give it time.
- Know You are Not Alone – Many people, the majority of people, have felt unrequited love at some point in their life.
- Understand the Physical Element – Your body has been conditioned to react to this person and will release certain feel-good chemicals when they are around or you hear their name. Over time this will lessen if you do not react.
- Learning Experience – Everything that happens in life teaches us something, so take what you learned and build on it for the future.
- Think of Their Feelings – The other person, if they knew your feelings, likely also feels bad they do not have the same feelings.
- This is Life – Life has ups and downs, so things will get better.
- Look for Reasons – Search yourself to figure out why you fell for this person in the first place. Once you do, figure out how to fill the emptiness in other healthy ways.
- Reality – Nothing and no one will ever be perfect and keeping this in mind makes it easier to move on.
- Recurring Problem – If you have unrequited love often, perhaps it is time to consider a new type of person.
- Realistic View – You have been seeing the other person through rose colored glasses. Step back and realize they are only human and have flaws like everyone else.
- Cannot Force It – No one can be forced to love someone else.
Now that you understand the signs and what you can do, there is one other thing that you need to do to let go and move on in life. This is to take care of yourself. This means allowing yourself time to deal with what you are feeling. While you wait, treat yourself well and focus on building yourself up. As you continue learning and better yourself, you are more likely to be more successful in the long run. There is no need to be angry with the person, respect yourself enough to let them go. Try not to wallow in self-pity, but do surround yourself with friends and family. If you feel like you cannot get over it alone, confide in someone you trust or a therapist that can help. As you do this, create space between yourself and the person. Spend time out with friends, socializing to gain deeper perspective and when you are ready, start dating again. Unrequited love may be painful, but you have the option of letting go, moving on, and finding shared love.